Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Just tragic!

So here i am, down quite a bit of weight and I am feeling great! So I decide to go out with classmates over the weekend. I even volunteer to be the designated driver since I am no longer drinking. Boy is it hard to be the only sober person!

Halfway through the night, this classmate that barely talks to me began chatting with me. He was completely trashed and was pretty entertaining...UNTIL - he leans over and asks me to go home with him because, and I am not kidding here, he has heard that fat girls are great in bed because they try harder than pretty girls! I wanted to throw up and cry all at the same time. Here I was feeling proud of my accomplishments and like I actually am beginning to look better and with one comment, he shattered all of that. I made my excuses to everyone else and went home early.

When I got home I had no idea what to do with myself. Normally, I would have attacked a bowl of ice cream, but as this is not a possibility, i just sort of wandered around the apartment aimlessly. I ended up laying on my living room floor, listening to Sarah MacLachlan and just having a good cry. About EVERYTHING. Not just the stupid boy at the bar, but about being scared of losing myself in this process, of having to learn new coping mechanisms, about the boy I love who I still hope will learn to love me back, about my mom, about my new job, about being scared of being lonely. Oh my god. I think i cried out every ounce of water I've drunk for the last two days. I actually cried myself to sleep.

But, I did feel better when I woke up the next day. Worn out, whipped, but better. I can do this. (at least i hope so)

6 comments:

Brownie Girl said...

What a jackass!!!!!!!

Good for you for having the strength to let your feelings out and deal with this drama without the old comforts of food. You should be proud of that, it's a bigger accomplishment than you might think.

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. You're making some huge life changes, and it sounds like you're doing many of them without a net (in the form of nearby support). You're obviously a very brave and strong chick-a-dee.

I know one thing that has helped me in the past has been regular therapy with a good counselor. I've learned so much from my therapist, like how to handle stressful situations, how to look more to the positive side of things, and coping/redirecting methods to keep me from self-sabotaging.

Does your surgeon's office have a support group you can attend?

Don't let idiots like that guy tear down what you've accomplished. Plus, the best revenge is doing well!

Chin up girl, you're going to do great!

Amber said...

What a jerk!!! Ugh. I hate stupid boys.
OMG. Seriously, let me come there and beat the shit out of him, please? :)

OK, Ok... I'll calm down.
Easier said than done, but just let it go! You are so much better than him!

(((hugs))) SOmetimes a good cry is just what we need. Cry, get it out, then stand up w/ your chest out and your head held high and show them who you really are!!!

There are great things in your future!!

denise said...

He was an ass! You had surgery and you'll look and feel better, but he can't have surgery on his personality!! Hang in there! I had WLS in 11/07 and I'm doing great. It gets better and easier as you go.
Denise

AJ said...

Thanks for all of the support! My surgeon does have a support group. I should attend it I guess, but somehow this online community seems a bit safer at the moment. So thanks for being my support group!

Kim said...

That guy was a dickhead, even if he was drunk. Don't pay any damn attention to him and you continue to bask in your accomplishments. At three weeks out, I am only down 22 pounds, so you are ahead of me, girl!

rouge said...

As a man, I'd like to apologize for all the crappy, scummy things that some of us say. I just started reading your blog from the beginning and can already relate to almost all of your posts!

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