Wednesday, April 30, 2008


Oh my God! My PMS is terrible since surgery! I was a wicked wicked girl when I was home visiting my parents last weekend. I was confrontational, impatient, and just awful. I could see myself behaving terribly, but i couldn't stop.

On my 5 hour drive home, my back start aching and sure enough as soon as i get home, boom, my friend arrives. I was warned that dropping weight releases tons of estrogen because it is stored in fat cells. What they didn't tell me was that estrogen = free range crazy.

Wowzie! I had some back-pedaling to do after the crazy fog lifted. but I tucked my tail between my legs and apologized.

God I hope this doesn't happen every month! I am going to have to lock myself in a cage in the basement, like a werewolf at full moon.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

thank you!

to everyone who has posted comments here! They are so helpful. I feel like I have a small pack of guardian angels with me as I walk down this very scary path. Thank you Thank you!

I would like to be able to thank you all individually, but some of you are unreachable (Denise) ;)

So please send me your emails if you's like to.

eating update

Ok so eating is getting a bit easier. Maybe my pouch was just confused by the change.

However, until now, I have felt great, but these last three days I have been so exhausted. Even if I sleep enough. Could my lack of calories be catching up with me? Hopefully this is just a phase and I will get through it. This has come at a bad time though. I am finishing up my masters degree and all of the semester projects are due next week, so i am super busy this week. But all I want to do is NAP! Oh well, this is just another price to pay for health right? Well, I am off for a nap now, but not a long one - busy busy busy.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Blog crazy - actually all kinds of crazy

Ok, so I know I am posting like every other minute, but I wanted to get this out there.

I have just been given the green light to start eating some pureed/mechanically soft foods. my problem? I don't want anything. Foods sounds good, I get hungry, I cook something. I take one bite (i am not exaggerating) and I am done. I cannot force myself to eat any more. I am actually repulsed by the idea. By the time my appetite comes back 30-40 minutes later, my food is so cold it is inedible.

Has anyone else gone through this or have any advice for me? I know I need to eat, I am scared of becoming sick. I am taking my vitamins, but I feel like I take so many pills right now, they fill up my pouch too. AAHH! (sorry just a little frustrated)


I am at a coffee house working on a terribly boring statistics memo. But here is the exciting part, my laptop is on my lap! Yep, I have a lap that is big enough for my computer to sit on. All the way! No weird balancing or anything. Woo-Hoo! I am easily amused, what can I say?

Also, I fit my big ol' bootie into size 5 (whatever the new sizes mean) Lane Bryant jeans today. I bought them by mistake about 5 months ago and couldn't even pull them up all the way back then. now, they slide on and actually probably are a bit too loose. I am a happy camper today. I will be posting pictures very soon. I don't think I look much different, but my clothes are telling me otherwise.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Its the little things...

So I have officially moved from "Super Obese" to "Extremely Obese"! Since I am no long "super" I guess I should stop wearing my cape.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

One Month Check Up

I went today to my one month post-op check up with my surgeon. Almost everything went well except for the bloodletting! My veins just would not cooperate which led to me getting stuck three times! OUCH.

Oh and my dietitian told me I can't have tomatoes or crystal light or basically anything with citric acid for two more months! I love my Crystal Light, I am so sad now.

I did get permission to advance my diet though so I am looking forward to some scrambled egg!

Everyone was very pleased with my progress, so now I am on my own for two more months.

Yeah me it is my one month Surgiversary.


For those of you who have had/or are planning to have WLS -

Do you openly tell people that you had the surgery? Or just a select few? Any tips of approaching this subject/

Also - do you tell friends and family about your blog?


Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Just tragic!

So here i am, down quite a bit of weight and I am feeling great! So I decide to go out with classmates over the weekend. I even volunteer to be the designated driver since I am no longer drinking. Boy is it hard to be the only sober person!

Halfway through the night, this classmate that barely talks to me began chatting with me. He was completely trashed and was pretty entertaining...UNTIL - he leans over and asks me to go home with him because, and I am not kidding here, he has heard that fat girls are great in bed because they try harder than pretty girls! I wanted to throw up and cry all at the same time. Here I was feeling proud of my accomplishments and like I actually am beginning to look better and with one comment, he shattered all of that. I made my excuses to everyone else and went home early.

When I got home I had no idea what to do with myself. Normally, I would have attacked a bowl of ice cream, but as this is not a possibility, i just sort of wandered around the apartment aimlessly. I ended up laying on my living room floor, listening to Sarah MacLachlan and just having a good cry. About EVERYTHING. Not just the stupid boy at the bar, but about being scared of losing myself in this process, of having to learn new coping mechanisms, about the boy I love who I still hope will learn to love me back, about my mom, about my new job, about being scared of being lonely. Oh my god. I think i cried out every ounce of water I've drunk for the last two days. I actually cried myself to sleep.

But, I did feel better when I woke up the next day. Worn out, whipped, but better. I can do this. (at least i hope so)

Monday, April 21, 2008


Ok, so I am coming here and spending time writing this thing and I have no idea if anyone is reading it. So if you happen by, please leave me a note that says "I was here"

Otherwise I feel like a crazy person who walks around in public having a conversation with myself.


Sunday, April 20, 2008

3 weeks and 5 days post surgery

I am doing quite well now. Initially I had some trouble with my draining tube, it really irritated my abdominal muscles and I had to have it removed prematurely. But since then, I am the picture of health. My incisions only have the tiniest scabs left and I feel really good. I am under 300 lbs for the first time in years! WOO-HOO!
I went home to visit my friends and family in St Louis this weekend and my friends said they could definitely see a difference in me already. I don't notice too much, ut then again I see meyself everyday. Even so, it was very nice to hear! My mom tried to take my jeans I was wearing because she said they are too big on me now and she wants them. So I felt pretty proud of myself, for the first time in a long time, I am looking forward to what the future holds for me. i have been heavy since I was around 8 years old. I don't know what I will look like when I am normal. it is scary and exciting all at the same time.

I go in for my one month check up later this week and I hope they give me the green light to start exercising. I have already lost 32 lbs post surgery and I want to help it along! I even bought a BICYCLE! It is so cute. That is it up top. I am so happy to be able to even think about the possibility of riding a bike. At my highest weight, I think I would have just crushed it! The future is just possibilities right now! I can't wait to buy my first clothes in a normal store and on and on.
On other notes, I graduate from my masters program in less that one month! Wow has time flown. Doug is again flying here to be with me. I cannot explain how much this means to me. I don't always know where we stand, but I know he loves me and for now, I am grateful for that.
I do not start my new job until 6 weeks after graduation, so I am going traveling. I can't wait to feel the difference in those tiny airplane seats once I have lost weight. I never let my weight stop me from doing anything, but it definitely made me uncomfortable!
So wish me luck on my check up. Hopefully the doctors will be happy with me!

Weight Chart