Friday, March 14, 2008
Well I have had my surgery and I am sitting on my couch recovering. All I can eat or drink is skim milk, water and broth. However, I want nothing. I have no appetite at all. Hopefully this will last forever. I doesn't even bother me when others are eating!
On a side note, Doug has just left. He was here for my surgery and took good care of me. I love him so much and we are currently separated because he is caring for his mother in Phoenix since his father just passed away. It has been a terrible time for him recently. After his father died, he got into a terrible car accident while he was back in Seattle packing everything for the move to Phoenix. I know this surgery came at a bad time for him, so I am so happy that he left the beautiful desert weather and came to messy, cold Iowa to hold my hand during my surgery.
I think he understands why I wanted this, but he was nervous and is worried that I won't get enough nutrition now. He knows I am scared that I will end up like my mother, whose diabetes has lead to neuropathy which causes chronic pain and she takes loads of medicines to deal with, and this has caused her mental decline and medical retirement at the young age of 53. It is hard to handle and I need to avoid her fate. So this surgery, while it sucks now it the best decision I've ever made. You have to give to get right? I am giving up many things, but I am gaining a healthy future, so it is very worth it.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
One thing I am incredibly grateful for is coffee. It is still on the ok to consume list and I thank god every day for that. I'd be a mess without my caffeine.
So, I am currently sitting in the hospital waiting for my appointment time to arrive for my pre-surgery bone density exam. I woke up at the ungodly hour of 5:30 am to get to the hospital by 7. I was told to fast from 9 pm until after my ultrasound. Which I did, and now I am enjoying a wonderrful cup of joe.
Once I arrived at the hospital, I was led to "the room" you know the one I mean. the one where the smiling lady comes at you with a needle and a handful of little tubes to fill. When I got there, my lady looked and the list and I swear I am not exaggerating, pulled one of every tube they had on the table and then some from the drawer. I told her no one can find my arm veins, they always use my hand, but like every needle pusher I've ever met, they think they are the "one" who can find the arm vein. Soin spite of my whining protests, verging on tears, she proceeded to poke me in both arms 4 times until she finally relented and took the blood from the vein I told her to use in the first place.
So after finishing my inspection I was given the green light and about 250 pages worth of instructions to follow for the day of surgery.
It still feels a bit surreal and I think deep down that they will cancel on me. I don't know why but I somehow feel that I don't deserve this. i guess that is normal, but I don't know. I really wish I had talked to other people who have already been here. I guess that is why I am writing this blog. Hopefully someone will find it and it will help them.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Now I have to sit in a quiet class room during midterm exams and be embarrassed by the noises of protest that my neglected stomach is making.
Besides the diet, my nerves are beginning to hum. At first I was not affected by this massive decision, but now it is becoming more real every day. I feel the butterflies stirring. I know that this is the right move, so I will not be dissuaded, but I am still a bit nervous now.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
But it will all be worth it. I have to keep thinking of the small sacrifice I am making in order to gain this huge positive change. Two months of liquid is worth a healthy life.
My name is AJ. I just turned 30 years old and I am 17 days away from my gastric bypass procedure. This is not something I decided to do over night. After long consideration and numerous attempts at dieting, I have decided to take my future into my own hands and become a new person.
I am about to finish my masters degree (3 months to go!) and I don't want my physical appearance to hold me back. I am also watching my mother, who taught me to be the strong woman I am, slowly deteriorate and become nothing like the woman who raised me. i cannot suffer her fate, so I am taking this drastic step to change.
Here's to all the people out there who are summarily dismissed due to their appearance. I know the beauty that is hidden and I am working to show everyone else what I am truly made of.