2 lbs?

I know I should be happy to lose any weight, but only 2 Fricken lbs this week! And I have been exercising. i need to stop obsessing over the scale I know, but it is so damn hard not to hop on it every day.

I graduate from grad school in 2 weeks and 1 day and i so wanted to lose another 10 lbs before then. I don't know why really. I mean what difference does 10 lbs make when I weigh 287lbs? but somehow mentally, it does mean something. Progress I guess.

Also, my boy is coming to town for my graduation. He is currently living in the desert taking care of his mother (his father passed away a few months ago and she is not very able or healthy). The last time he saw me was three days after my surgery. I want to look different when he sees me. I miss him so damn much. Every inch of me (and currently that is a lot) wants to call him every second.

So maybe that is why I am obsessing. Or maybe it is because i have been fat since i was 7 years old and i want to be NORMAL! not skinny or slim even, just normal. I don't want to shop in the fat lady section of every store. I want to buy normal designer clothes, just plain Ralph Lauren, not Lauren by Ralph Lauren. DAMN DAMN DAMN!

Whoo, what started as a sob fest has quickly turned into a hard knot of rage in my belly. i have got to get control over these hormones. They are making me unstable.