Thursday, May 1, 2008

2 lbs?

I know I should be happy to lose any weight, but only 2 Fricken lbs this week! And I have been exercising. i need to stop obsessing over the scale I know, but it is so damn hard not to hop on it every day.

I graduate from grad school in 2 weeks and 1 day and i so wanted to lose another 10 lbs before then. I don't know why really. I mean what difference does 10 lbs make when I weigh 287lbs? but somehow mentally, it does mean something. Progress I guess.

Also, my boy is coming to town for my graduation. He is currently living in the desert taking care of his mother (his father passed away a few months ago and she is not very able or healthy). The last time he saw me was three days after my surgery. I want to look different when he sees me. I miss him so damn much. Every inch of me (and currently that is a lot) wants to call him every second.

So maybe that is why I am obsessing. Or maybe it is because i have been fat since i was 7 years old and i want to be NORMAL! not skinny or slim even, just normal. I don't want to shop in the fat lady section of every store. I want to buy normal designer clothes, just plain Ralph Lauren, not Lauren by Ralph Lauren. DAMN DAMN DAMN!

Whoo, what started as a sob fest has quickly turned into a hard knot of rage in my belly. i have got to get control over these hormones. They are making me unstable.

1 comment:

Amber said...

Just wanted to pop in and say hello. I finally got a chance to read up on your blog. Sounds like you're doing well. Don't get down about the 2lbs, because next week it'll probably be made up and you'll get 15lbs. It's hard when you get use to those 8-10lb weeks to see a 2. Just be happy it's going down. Keep up the great work and keep blogging!

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