Camping

So my best friends J&D invited me to come to their home in St Louis and then go on a float trip followed by a night of camping. Generally, I am not a camper, but I figured what the hell.

We had a great time on the river. I got pretty sunburned despite copious amounts of 70 SPF and I am still peeling and itching like mad from it.

It was very fun to see my friends and have some social contact beyond work. I was crazy the following morning however and I think I probably scared my friend J away. While everyone enjoyed a buffet breakfast at the camp, I could not because it was all carbs and the scrambled eggs, my only hope, for some reason went down like a rock. So we ventured out on a three hour drive home with nothing on my stomach. So my sugar crashed and because we were in the middle of nowhere, following another car, we could not stop at a gas station. We had no bars on our cell phones and did not know how to get back on our own. Now, when my sugar bottoms out, I turn into a crazy person. So I proceeded to throw a fit and act nutso. Not something I normally like to do in front of people. Luckily J has been my friend for the better part of a decade and he knows this, but I still feel awful for making him uncomfortable and acting like a spazzed out bitch. I have since apologized to which he responded it was no big deal, but I still feel bad and awkward.

I need to get control of my emotions. Ever since surgery, I am a mess. I know some of it is adjusting, but some of it is also hormones. I just pray I can get through this phase and soon.

This is LA

So I really hate LA. Every time I go to the City of Angels, bad things happen to me. This trip was no exception.

It began with me leaving my cell phone, with all of my contacts on the airplane. After exhausting all of my search options, I gave up and declared the phone lost forever.

After the fiasco of searching for my phone, I get to my hotel. Beautiful lobby, awful rooms. Dirty looking, carpet full of stains and overall just suspect. In fact, my first night, I woke up to some very strange and loud gurgling noises emanating from the bathroom. When I got up to inspect, there was dirty water flowing from the toilet from the wrong direction. Maintenance came and fixed it, then housekeeping. With a dirty mop and no disinfectants, the housekeeper sopped up the dirty filth and then left. SHE DID NOT use any Lysol, bleach etc. Did I mention that the water was, ummm, dirty, and from the TOILET? Luckily, I showered the night before, so I thew towels down to sop up the carpet and returned to bed with plans to deal with this in the morning. After requesting that housekeeping bleach down my room and carpet while I was at work for the day, I returned to find a fan hooked up in my room to dry the carpet, but the dirty towels still there and nothing in my room cleaned otherwise. Trash still there, bed unmade, no fresh towels....etc. And best of all my second story sliding glass door left wide open with all of my stuff inside. Did I mention that I was in LA? I was so pissed off! Then I was moved to a new room, which was marginally better and I spent the rest of my trip feeling dirty and using hand sanitizer and bleach wipes on everything.

Not Pleasant at all.

besides that hotel, I spent the entire trip being shunned by my co-workers. I don't know why though. As I had just met these women, i had not even had the chance to do anything to warrant this behavior. They spent the entire trip gossipping, shopping, going out and generally acting like great old fiends. I asked one of the women how long they had known each other, and she said only a couple of weeks. I could not figure out why they would make plans right in front of me and just not ask me to join them. Not even once! i don't know what I did. i was nice to them. I generally think I am a fun to be around person, we are all in the same general age range. I cannot figure it out! What is wrong with me?

I came home from this trip exhausted both mentally and physically and got in my car and drove directly to St Louis to spend the weekend camping with some friends. Which leads me to my next post...

Updates Updates.....

So I have been neglectful of my blog. I have not felt mentally ready to blog until this morning. So I am going to try to update in several normal size posts instead of one huge unreadable post. So bear with me.

I am still huge

I see a pic like this and I realize how far I have still to go.

Not MIA

I have been in L.A. all week. It was pretty crappy, but I just got home and I am exhausted, so I will have to give you all the download later.

It is time for another vacation to Crazy Town

So since WLS, my emotions have been on a roller coaster ride. If you are a regular reader of this blog, this is not new news. Well, the big drop of the track is here again. And I need some perspective. Here is what happened:

I chatted with my boy on line yesterday for like ten minutes over lunch break, then I asked if he was going to be around after I get off work, cause I needed to talk to him about a couple of things. He said sure, I'll be sure to take my phone in case I am running errands. So I call him after work and he says he is in the middle of something, he will call me back in about 45 minutes. So TWO HOURS later, still no call. SO I call him, he says he is still busy whats up. I ask him one quick question and tell him to call me back later when he has time to talk. HE NEVER CALLED. I am so mad/hurt. Living so far apart is really hard, and having very regular conversations is all that i have to keep me going. I dreamt about him and crazy crap all night because i was so upset when I finally went to sleep. I woke up early this morning and it is all I can think about. I will call him later and talk to him about this, but it is still too early there due to the time difference.

Am I over-reacting? Is this my hormonal carnival ride taking over my common sense or is this a mis-step on his part? I normally don't get angry at him, even for things I should. But I am PISSED off!

Not being able to trust my own judgement is very frustrating, and honestly it is scary. I don't want to be crazy or unstable.

Double header

So I went to the Dr today because on Monday I noticed a large lump on my foot and it freakin' HURTS! Anytime I step down just a little bit hard, it sends shooting pain through my foot. Not conducive to exercise AT ALL! So, the Dr says it is a cyst and I need surgery.

I JUST STARTED MY JOB A MONTH AGO! I can't take time off. CRAP CRAP CRAP!

AH, it felt good to get that out of my system.